Unresolved
by Tortallan Shadow
Summary: Six months after Elena's transition, Damon's feelings lay unresolved. He can't do this to himself anymore. He won't.
1. Chapter 1

Rain drizzled down the leaded window panes. It was the perfect day to be outside, for a vampire at least. Damon Salvatore threw on his black jacket, grabbed his keys and headed out the door. It had been six months since the incident. The thought of it still haunted him. He couldn't have done anything, he told himself. He was miles away. How could he have known? Besides, she had chosen, or so he had thought. Everything after Alaric's death had been a blur. His drive back to Mystic falls, breaking about 30 laws in the process. Being told that she had been "helped". He couldn't bring himself to remember that conversation. The image of her lying on that slab had burned into his mind. He held her for a half an hour, stroking her hair and feeling numb. He hadn't wanted this. Not for her. She was far too good for this. He had no choice though. All he could do was…be there. For her, but more for himself. He could never let her go. Now he wouldn't have to.

Letting out a little scoff, He shook his head and stared at the road ahead of him. He didn't really care where he was going; he just had to get out of the house. Sedentary life did not suit him well. Never the less, he stayed. He found himself pulling up to The Grill. His favorite and only drinking spot in town. Only now it was just him. No more drinking partners. He parked his car and strolled up to the door, swinging it open and sauntering inside. He plopped down at the bar and motioned to the bartender.

"Bottle of bourbon."

"Be right up," The bartender smiled at him. She flipped her hair flirtatiously and spun around to grab his bottle.

On the outside he smiled at her, but felt nothing but annoyance inside. He was thirsty. He was on edge and he was not in the mood for air headed bar-tendresses. He just needed to drown his sorrows a little.

Damon let his mind wander as he tossed back half a glass of bourbon. Elena's transition hadn't been particularly difficult. She fed, she turned, whatever. It was how she looked at him afterwards that had been hard. The compulsion was wearing off. He could tell she was remembering things. He wasn't sure how much he remembered. Did it make a difference? She would always love Stefen. The hero. His mouth twisted as he poured himself another glass and knocked it back. His brother, whom he loved and hated at the same time. He sighed. He didn't have the energy to be petty anymore. It wasn't even worth it. He felt someone sit next to him.

"Isn't it a little early to drown your sorrows, Damon?"

He tilted his head to the side and gazed over at the figure next to him. The corner of his lip twitched into a smirk as he swirled his glass and took another sip. It's all the same and as far as I see it, it's always a good time to drown my sorrows"

Stefan motioned to the bartender. "Gin and tonic" He said, pulling off his jacket.

"How's the vampire training going?" Damon asked. He was already pouring his fourth glass.

"It's…going well. She needs you, you know."

"Look, we had a deal. If she chose you…I would leave town."

"Should I point out that you're still here?" Stefan said.

Damon stared at his now empty glass and decided to cut out the middle man. He took a swig from the bottle.

"Yeah well…that's me, always disappointing"

"Cut the crap Damon, you know she needs you. She needs both of us. It hasn't been easy for her. You know that. Besides, I promised to help Jeremy patch up the holes at their house. Thanks to Klaus we have to replace two windows too."

At least he didn't have to play carpenter. He stared at the alcohol that remained in his bottle and sighed. Pushing it back he threw a fifty on the bar and got up.

"Alright. Maybe I'll teach her the art of seducing your victims?" Damon grinned impishly at his brother.

Stefan frowned "Don't make me regret this."

Damon loved getting under his brothers skin. He gave him a mock salute and walked out. Getting in his car he let out a long sigh and laid his head on the steering wheel. The last few months he had been…avoiding Elena. Partly for her sake, partly for his own. She was here for eternity. He had to figure out a way to get her out of his head and move the hell on with his life. He inhaled as he sat up, started the car and drove back home.

Elena plunked keys on the piano. She didn't know how to play. Maybe she should learn. She had all eternity now. She sighed, dropping her head into her hands. She massaged her forehead. She tried not to let herself be consumed by her emotions. Guilt, regret, disappointment, want, need. Everything was too much for her to handle. There was so much she would never get to do. Her cravings consumed her. Her only bit of sanity was Steffen. She finally appreciated how hard it had been for him to control his. He hadn't let her go out on her own. Let her "hunt". She had mostly been cooped up inside since her transformation. She hugged herself, remembering waking up with a start in Stefan's arms. She began to remember things. A chance meeting with a handsome Stranger on a bridge and how his wish for her had been so honest. How he compelled her to forget. She hadn't spoken to Damon about it. How could she? She basically abandoned him. She sat up straight as she heard the door open.

Damon sauntered in, tossing his keys on the credenza near the door. He paused and took a deep breath, composing himself as he strolled into the parlor. He smirked at Elena. She looked as she always had. As she always would. She had no idea what she did to him.

Elena spun around on the bench to look at him. She had a sadness in her eyes that he wasn't expecting. He stared hard at her. He knew what he wanted to do but he just couldn't. He couldn't do that to himself anymore. Then she broke down. He sped to her and took her up in his harms. He didn't let go until she was finished.

"It's ok Elena. I'm not…I'm not going anywhere" He was an idiot. He would never be able to leave now.

Elena pulled herself back and looked into Damon's eyes. She stepped out of his arms and wiped her eyes, frustrated with herself.

"I remember everything Damon." She said, looking down.

He sighed "I figured."

"Why didn't you tell me…that we had met first?" She said, confused.

"Because it wouldn't have changed anything," He said, defeated.

"It doesn't make any sense! You could have told me! I would've-" She said, angrily

He took her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. "You would've what? Changed your mind? Elena. I love you. Nothing about that has changed. You made a decision. You have to tell me right now if knowing this has changed that. Tell me it has and I'll never leave you. It's a decision you'll have to live with and forever is a very long time"

She stared into his eyes. Every part of her felt like it was on fire. Her body was screaming at her. Her silence said everything and nothing at the same time.

Damon let go of her face and shook his head. He was stupid. This would change nothing. "Elena, I can't do this anymore". He turned to go but as soon as he did her hands were on his shoulder, shoving him into the wall. Their lips collided. His eyes widened in surprise before he gave in to his desires. This kiss was different than the one they'd shared before, more animal. Elena's eyes were black and red, her veins darkened. All he saw in her was Catherine. He tore himself away. This wasn't right. He knew he was taking advantage of her heightened emotions. Since when did he care so much?

"What's the matter, Damon? Isn't this what you want?" Elena growled at him

Damon slammed her against the wall. She looked surprised and a little hurt but he didn't care. He knew this was the rage talking.

"You have a lot to learn little girl" He growled back. "Figure out what you really want then get back to me, because I'm done being played with. I've spent too many years wanting things I can't have and I'm tired of it," He softened "I'm tired Elena. I love you. But I can't share you anymore. I won't."

Elena stared sadly into his eyes. She realized she didn't know what to tell him. Her soul was torn.

Damon stared at her sadly. Dropping his arms he shut his eyes, taking a moment to collect himself before turning and walking out the door. Elena stared after him as he drove away. Her knees weak, she slumped to the floor and cried until she couldn't cry anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Damon slammed his hand on the wheel. He slammed it again, over and over. He shouldn't be leaving. There was so much she didn't know, so much she didn't understand.

"Screw her. Screw both of them." He muttered to himself. He didn't need them and he didn't need…

He couldn't even bring himself to think it. He knew deep down that some part of her did need her. He needed her to breather, to eat to sleep. He needed her to live. His phone started to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the name. Stefan. He pushed talk.

"What do you want brother?" Damon spat into the phone.

"Where are you going?" Stefan asked

"Away, I don't know, I'm just going. What does it matter? I thought we had a deal. If she chose you I would leave town. I'm honoring my end of the deal." He put his phone on speaker and set it in the cup holder. He reached for the bottle in the passenger seat. He pushed his foot down on the accelerator and took a swig.

"…so you're going for good then?"

Damon fell silent. He stared hard at the road. This was the time when he would decide.

"Yes."

"Then don't come back Damon. She doesn't need to deal with you."

Damon's face twisted into a grimace. He felt a deep sadness inside. It began to consume him. It mingled with rage and longing. He tipped the bottle back and let it empty down his throat. He lowered the window and threw the empty bottle out. Then he picked up his phone, pushed end, and threw it out after the bottle. He pushed the petal down to the floor.

The road was coming up fast in front of him. Trees, buildings passed all in a blur. He just wanted to get as far away as quickly as possible. Soon there was nothing but wilderness around him. The rain began to beat down. Then he saw the lights in his rearview mirror. Blue and red alternated in his vision, lighting up the dark woodlands around them. He began to accelerate, cause a little high speed chase, then decided on a better plan. He slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road. The cop kept him waiting, and then strolled over to his window. Stefan put on his most winning smile as he gazed at the female cop. She wasn't too bad looking, a little mousy, brown hair, small build. This would be easy.

"I'm going to need to see your license and registration" She said, trying to sound intimidating. Damon wasn't buying it. She was weak.

"Do we have a problem officer?" he asked sweetly

"A problem? Do you have ANY idea how fast you were going?" The cop shouted at him

He smirked and let out a little laugh. "I'm sure you're about to tell me, but my guess would be about fifty? Fifty five?"

"Try ninety five. I'm going to have to ask you to step outside the vehicle." She barked at him.

Big mistake, Damon thought. Now she was hers. He opened the door and stepped out of the vehicle. He had at least six inches on her. He stared into her eyes. There was a glint of fear.

"Here's what you're going to do" he murmured to her, pupils widening "You're going to take off your jacket, and pull down your turtle neck. Then I'm going to rip out your throat. And you're going to like it"

"I'm going to like it…" the woman murmured back.

She did as he said, and Damon sunk his teeth into her neck and kissed his humanity good bye. Satisfied that he had drained her of every drop of blood, he tossed her body into the woods, wiped his mouth and got back in his car. He drove all night until his body began to betray him, his rage and sorrow having taken all of his energy. He pulled in to the first motel he saw, not caring where he was. He persuaded the night attendant to give him a room on the house, slammed the door and passed out on the grimy bed.

Elena woke up. She must have fallen asleep while writing in her diary. It was a practice she had let slide the last few weeks but now more than ever she needed to bear her soul. She didn't have anyone else to tell. She heard a knock at the door.

"Come in" she said.

It was her brother Jeremy. He had stayed with her the last few months, mostly so she wasn't alone. He was worried about her, and she was all he had left. Everyone else he had cared about was dead. He could see them occasionally but it didn't change the fact that they were gone. His ability to see ghosts just made him more screwed up, as if his life wasn't weird enough. He walked into Elena's room. He could tell she had been crying. He tried so hard to protect her from things, but there was only so much you could do when your sister is in love with vampires.

"What's the matter? Did something happen?" Jeremy asked

"Damon left Jer…" She said, her eyes welling up with fresh tears.

Jeremy moved to sit next to his sister. He slung his arm around her shoulder, being close while keeping a certain distance between them. He knew she couldn't control her urges fully. He had his ring but he didn't want to take any chances.

"Maybe it's for the best Elena…" He started. He felt guilty. He knew that she loved him. Even after all of the crap he pulled, she loved him. He had to tell her. "I have something to confess"

"What is it?" Elena looked at Jeremy quizzically.

"Do you remember when I channeled Rose, before Alaric died?"

"Yeah?"

"When we were driving back, she came to me again. She didn't want me to tell you she was there, but she told me that she was rooting for you two. That you were good for him and he was good for you too. He would either be the worst…or the best thing for you"

Elena stared at Jeremy. She began to tell him everything, about how they had met the day their parents died, how he told her he loved her and compelled her to forget, how he was the one who consumed her completely.

"I tried calling him Jer, but he won't pick up. I don't blame him. I've been selfish. Everything that has happened has been my fault" She threw her arms around Jeremy's neck and cried.

He tensed. Elena could tell. She drew herself back. She could feel her bloodlust rising. She turned her head away and took deep breaths. She calmed herself down but Jeremy was already standing.

"You should go, be with Stefan. Get a drink" he joked.

Elena laughed sadly. He was right. She knew it but part of her felt guilty. Like she shouldn't be with Stefan when she was feeling like this. But she was thirsty and needed to feed.

"Thanks for always being there for me Jer. I love you" She smiled at him.

Jeremy smiled back "I love you too sis. Take care of yourself" He said.

Elena threw on a jacket, grabbed her keys and headed to see Stefan.

Stefan stared into the fire. His phone in one hand, a glass in the other. His guilt compelled him. What had he just done? He had pushed his brother away for selfish reasons. It was for the best, he told himself. Elena doesn't need all the drama, the stress. Besides, she had chosen him. She loved him, and he loved her. Nothing mattered but that. And they would be together forever. He took a sip of his drink. It was o-. He was back on human blood, and controlling it. Or at least that's what he told himself. He had more things to worry about lately. He had to help Elena, she was all that mattered. Sighing, he set down his drink. Damon would cool down and come back. He always did. Fighting back the guild he stood up and stretched. He heard the door open, and Elena walked into the room. Despite everything he smiled when he saw her. She always made him smile. She smiled back weakly.

"Hey" she said. "Have you heard back from Damon?" She asked.

She walked up to him and put her arms around his neck. She always made him feel safe.

He hugged her back. He didn't know what to tell her. He told her the only thing he could "He's gone Elena. I think it's for the best"

Elena pulled back from him and stared into his eyes "What?" She said

Stefan sighed. "Elena, I love you. And he loves you too. We had a deal. If you chose him I would leave town and if you chose me…"

"Oh god…this is all my fault. I have to find him."

Stefan stared at her, feeling the anger and jealousy well up inside him. Usually he could handle it, but the human blood made it worse. He turned away from her.

"Who do you love more Elena?" He asked bluntly. She blinked her eyes, taken aback by the brashness of his question.

"I…" she searched her thoughts, trying to come up with an answer. She didn't know what she felt right now. "I love you Stefan, you make me feel safe and you protect me and I know that as long as I'm with you I'll be ok…"

"But?" Stefan asked, turning his head back to her. He walked towards her, stopping just inches from her.

"But…I love Damon too. I'm sorry Stefan. I know it's not what you want to hear but it's the truth." Stefan looked crushed. He clenched his jaw.

"I can't do this anymore Elena. Damon is my brother, and I love him but can't you see what he's doing?"

"No Stefan, what is he doing? All he ever tied to do was protect me and you." Elena shouted. Her anger was getting the best of her and she was going to lose it. "And when you made me go on that trip to get Jeremy, I kissed him Stefan. And it was amazing and different. And do you know what I did when I thought you were both going to do? I turned around and abandoned him to say goodbye to you and my friends and then I died. He never would have left me like that" She was crying now.

Stefan stared at her, betrayal in his eyes "What else did you do Elena? Did he have you?"

Elena's jaw dropped as the tears streamed down her eyes and she came at him. She hit him as hard as she could. He stumbled a little but he was far stronger than she was. She beat her fists against her chest.

"Why would you even ask me that Stefan? Not that it's any of your business! You're the one who left me! You're the ripper, who went away to indulge in your bloodlust with Klaus and you never came back, not really. Part of you was gone Stefan."

"I was compelled, Elena! I can't change who I was. What I did…and I'm not the only one who's changed Elena."

"That wasn't my decision Stefan. I didn't choose this…I should have died!" Elena wiped furiously at her eyes and sprinted out the door. She ran away from Stefan, away from the pain. She felt alone and cold. She got into her car and drove away. She drove away from Mystic Falls. She drove out of town, over the bridge where she had almost died and died only to be brought back a vampire. She let her rage carry her on. The only thing she could do now was find him. She needed to find Damon and tell him how she felt.


End file.
